The Avengers (DVD 1999)

Terribly miscast as superspy John Steed--Fiennes is charmless in the role that Patrick MacNee so ably brought to life on television--he resembles a child wearing his father's hat. Uma Thurman fares little better. While she was terrific in both "Kill Bill" films, she's way out of her league looks-wise and charisma-wise when compared to Diana Rigg's simply scrumptious Emma Peel. And then there's the story, or what passes for it, something about a scene-chewing though not particularly convincing Sean Connery controlling the world's weather. Director Jeremiah Chechik and whoever is willing to take the blame for the script get some of the surface details of "The Avengers" formula right but completely miss the boat with regard to the TV series' wit, style, and sophistication, another (typical) modern misstep of focusing on form and ignoring substance. To be fair, a lot apparently was cut from the film before its release, but it's hard to imagine anything salvaging "The Avengers"--and the DVD is sans deleted scenes, so the point is moot. Eddie Izzard pops up looking like a mod, shrunken Oliver Reed but gets the film's best line, though a brief sight gag featuring "Mother," the spy agency boss, also actually made me chuckle with the film and not at it. At least poor Patrick MacNee was smart enough to make sure his cameo did not require him to actually show up on screen; Diana Rigg was smarter for turning the film down outright. Why anyone bothered to remake "The Avengers" is beyond me, as the show worked fine as it was, and I can't think of any actors today who could embody Steed and Peel as well as the originals.